Iv been stuck between two areas in my life. one area i submit to and its always pushed me down but taught me valuable lessons. I have learned loyalty, trust, and most of. i have learned the skill of deceit. i am an actress on the stage and off it. its something that was trained into me, i find myself slipping into one of my many characteristics for certain people. Unable to replace that. but most of all, iv learned the skill of loyalty when betrayed. and in that. iv become protective of the area that has been both loyal and lying.
The space in my life on the other side is a fight worth losing. A fight that wont give in and forces me to lose my mind. I try training this life but its trains me, it beats me down. It can tear me down with only a few words, its mind believes itself to be without fault. but everyone around it is a monster and a sinner, including me. my eyes can see deceit without evidents. i've seen every trick played, i know every loop hole and every door out. I know when there is something hidden. I can smell manipulation and back handed comments. and i know when there is a lie,because iv been trained to, because iv done and defended and protected. But i can't stop it. I have seen it. i have heard it but i must at times let it tear me down.
I wont face an area in my life at times.
To one i feel as though i have no choice but to submit to loyatly, for the other, i block out of my mind when i cannot handle. it believes it knows more then me,but it is nieve and proud, and i as hard as i try, i cannot warn what wont listen.
But truth is...
I love it
I love them so much <3
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