Iv been stuck between two areas in my life. one area i submit to and its always pushed me down but taught me valuable lessons. I have learned loyalty, trust, and most of. i have learned the skill of deceit. i am an actress on the stage and off it. its something that was trained into me, i find myself slipping into one of my many characteristics for certain people. Unable to replace that. but most of all, iv learned the skill of loyalty when betrayed. and in that. iv become protective of the area that has been both loyal and lying.
The space in my life on the other side is a fight worth losing. A fight that wont give in and forces me to lose my mind. I try training this life but its trains me, it beats me down. It can tear me down with only a few words, its mind believes itself to be without fault. but everyone around it is a monster and a sinner, including me. my eyes can see deceit without evidents. i've seen every trick played, i know every loop hole and every door out. I know when there is something hidden. I can smell manipulation and back handed comments. and i know when there is a lie,because iv been trained to, because iv done and defended and protected. But i can't stop it. I have seen it. i have heard it but i must at times let it tear me down.
I wont face an area in my life at times.
To one i feel as though i have no choice but to submit to loyatly, for the other, i block out of my mind when i cannot handle. it believes it knows more then me,but it is nieve and proud, and i as hard as i try, i cannot warn what wont listen.
But truth is...
I love it
I love them so much <3
Monday, August 29, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
They are the Walking Dead, Next in Line to Lay in That Bed
The white paneled floor glides me through the florescent hallways that never seem to end. My heart beat gains speed with my feet as I turn another corner.
“This way!” my uncle cries as he dodges people, almost tripping over a young girl in a wheel chair. I try my best to keep his pace, running into people with balloons and an old lady. My brain feels numb, the only order it gives me is “follow your uncles footsteps” and I obey. I’m not sure but I think I hear an angry shout from a nurse “Slow down! No Running!” but it doesn’t matter. We’re here. My uncle runs into the small hospital room and embraces my weeping aunt. My heart drops, I know the feeling of da ja vu all to well. It sinks as I stare. All that’s left of my family is in this room. My little brother lay unconscious on the hospital bed, a gash in his head and his only arm in a cast.
I want to shout his name aloud, to prove I’m still strong enough to speak “Ryan!” I want to run up and sit by his side. But I find my brain won’t give me any more orders. My feet are frozen, pleading to become part of the cold tile floor. After what feels like hours my brain gives me one instruction “Deep breaths Nicole”. My uncle’s voice takes the place of my abandoned brain. I’m handed a small Styrofoam cup of tap water and told to sit. I don’t obey. I don’t drink. I watch my limp little brother, feeling almost as helpless as he is.
The precious life that is Ryan will turn out to be no more then a piece in the game. I don’t need to look over at the small hospital bedside table to know the kiss of death is awaiting my attention. But I do anyway. My eyes lock on the rose, and my stomach turns. I grip my mouth trying not to throw up. I feel the arms of my uncle grab me, its then I realized I went faint. “Nicole, we should get you home”
“No” I say to my guardians. I don’t want to leave Ryan. The hospital became no more the coffin my loved ones were brought to. The slaughterhouse that they sleep peacefully in before…No. I won’t leave. If he dares to touch Ryan he will have to go through me. The thought brings me to my knees again.
“Nicole!”
I don’t know why they try. I love them so much for taking care of my brother and I, but their no better off then he is. They are the walking dead. Next in line to lie in that bed, beside the single rose. They must know that. I want to scream at them for being so stupid. For sticking by me. I want them to get on a plane and leave. But I need them. I don’t want to be alone with this. My eyes break with tears as I fall weeping.
I don’t want to be alone with him.
The thought eats at me constantly. I know they will pay for my selfish need for their company with their lives. But without Ryan my purpose for living is gone. Will he risk that? In his sick game will he allow it to end or will he let me end it with my life?
He saved me twice from myself, and once from an accident. No, it won’t be that easy. My shaking hands lift myself off the floor and I take my seat by my little brothers bed, my eyes locked on the rose. I sit frozen, I wonder if I’m even breathing. my icy hands shake.
I sit in shock, waiting for the hunter to claim his kill.
“This way!” my uncle cries as he dodges people, almost tripping over a young girl in a wheel chair. I try my best to keep his pace, running into people with balloons and an old lady. My brain feels numb, the only order it gives me is “follow your uncles footsteps” and I obey. I’m not sure but I think I hear an angry shout from a nurse “Slow down! No Running!” but it doesn’t matter. We’re here. My uncle runs into the small hospital room and embraces my weeping aunt. My heart drops, I know the feeling of da ja vu all to well. It sinks as I stare. All that’s left of my family is in this room. My little brother lay unconscious on the hospital bed, a gash in his head and his only arm in a cast.
I want to shout his name aloud, to prove I’m still strong enough to speak “Ryan!” I want to run up and sit by his side. But I find my brain won’t give me any more orders. My feet are frozen, pleading to become part of the cold tile floor. After what feels like hours my brain gives me one instruction “Deep breaths Nicole”. My uncle’s voice takes the place of my abandoned brain. I’m handed a small Styrofoam cup of tap water and told to sit. I don’t obey. I don’t drink. I watch my limp little brother, feeling almost as helpless as he is.
The precious life that is Ryan will turn out to be no more then a piece in the game. I don’t need to look over at the small hospital bedside table to know the kiss of death is awaiting my attention. But I do anyway. My eyes lock on the rose, and my stomach turns. I grip my mouth trying not to throw up. I feel the arms of my uncle grab me, its then I realized I went faint. “Nicole, we should get you home”
“No” I say to my guardians. I don’t want to leave Ryan. The hospital became no more the coffin my loved ones were brought to. The slaughterhouse that they sleep peacefully in before…No. I won’t leave. If he dares to touch Ryan he will have to go through me. The thought brings me to my knees again.
“Nicole!”
I don’t know why they try. I love them so much for taking care of my brother and I, but their no better off then he is. They are the walking dead. Next in line to lie in that bed, beside the single rose. They must know that. I want to scream at them for being so stupid. For sticking by me. I want them to get on a plane and leave. But I need them. I don’t want to be alone with this. My eyes break with tears as I fall weeping.
I don’t want to be alone with him.
The thought eats at me constantly. I know they will pay for my selfish need for their company with their lives. But without Ryan my purpose for living is gone. Will he risk that? In his sick game will he allow it to end or will he let me end it with my life?
He saved me twice from myself, and once from an accident. No, it won’t be that easy. My shaking hands lift myself off the floor and I take my seat by my little brothers bed, my eyes locked on the rose. I sit frozen, I wonder if I’m even breathing. my icy hands shake.
I sit in shock, waiting for the hunter to claim his kill.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Playground. (A nightmear)
Who decides the rules that lay inside each dream? Who is the caretaker of the playground? Who calls the shots and rings the bells? Who plays the first move in the game I am thrown into every time my eyes shut?
These are questions going through my head as I walk down the long dirt path, lined with wooden cages. A man introduces me as Marie to the game. He guides me down the hall as barks and bowls ring in my left ear. The snarls are all part of the round. Were almost at the end of the path when he stops me.
“Run” he smiles at me as he pushes a button on the wall. The wood begins to shake as I bolt back down the way we came, the anxious snarls of the impatient wolves hit against the fence. They rise higher; I feel a snap at my ankle but keep running. I look around for weapons. I have nothing but a large key in my pocket. The wolves are out and they chase me. I lose most of them but one is on my tale as I turn the corner; into a room that resembles something of a barn. I turn to face the wolf “Marie” it whispers, ready to pounce. I clench the key in my hand. I hear the bell of round one and my heart stops. I have to kill one and then move on.
The wolf jumps as I roll; it lands on its back. I lung at with my key, jumping on it. “Where is your heart?!” I scream already knowing its placement. I lung the key into its chest, but miss its heart. Suddenly the room changes along with the beast, it grows smaller and loses it monstrous features. I’m sitting with my youngest sisters blood all over my hands. She gasps for air. The reality that she won’t live hits me hard. But I missed her heart and now she will die slowly. I want to pick her up and run, but the rules of the game are indented into my head. They wont let me make a move that is not permitted. I work against my will as I lift the key again. My entire body is begging to not do this but I plunge the key into her heart and she goes still.
Snarls approach the corner of the room, I’m already on my feet, not daring to take the key with me, or even look at my sister. What was next? Would I have to fight each of these beasts only to discover they are my loved ones? Would I kill each of my sisters followed by people I care about?
I run. I’m chased. I hear the bell ring again as I approach a dead end. I’m expected to try and kill this one as well. To reveal who it is that’s hunting me. I face the predator and I know the eyes, the dark fur. It growls at me as I back up against the wall. I won’t fight. There is a knife that appears at my feet.
No.
I dodge around the large beast, only getting my arm slit in process, darting for the door. The man that walked me down the hall stops me
“This is not how we play.” He pushes me back towards the wolf. And throws me a weapon of some sorts. I ponder lunging into his chest. He smiles, reading my mind. I try dodging around him but he grabs me again. This is a level I wont get by without a fight. “Do you want to be disqualified?” He spits at me.
“Yes!” I plead. He takes the weapon from my hand. “Fine, you lose” he walks away as the door shuts and I’m left with the monster.
My mind follows the man, holding the blade as he walks away from the locked door. The echo of snarls spreads a smile across his face. He taps along the cages of the wolves that wont get to play and the screams behind him stop.
These are questions going through my head as I walk down the long dirt path, lined with wooden cages. A man introduces me as Marie to the game. He guides me down the hall as barks and bowls ring in my left ear. The snarls are all part of the round. Were almost at the end of the path when he stops me.
“Run” he smiles at me as he pushes a button on the wall. The wood begins to shake as I bolt back down the way we came, the anxious snarls of the impatient wolves hit against the fence. They rise higher; I feel a snap at my ankle but keep running. I look around for weapons. I have nothing but a large key in my pocket. The wolves are out and they chase me. I lose most of them but one is on my tale as I turn the corner; into a room that resembles something of a barn. I turn to face the wolf “Marie” it whispers, ready to pounce. I clench the key in my hand. I hear the bell of round one and my heart stops. I have to kill one and then move on.
The wolf jumps as I roll; it lands on its back. I lung at with my key, jumping on it. “Where is your heart?!” I scream already knowing its placement. I lung the key into its chest, but miss its heart. Suddenly the room changes along with the beast, it grows smaller and loses it monstrous features. I’m sitting with my youngest sisters blood all over my hands. She gasps for air. The reality that she won’t live hits me hard. But I missed her heart and now she will die slowly. I want to pick her up and run, but the rules of the game are indented into my head. They wont let me make a move that is not permitted. I work against my will as I lift the key again. My entire body is begging to not do this but I plunge the key into her heart and she goes still.
Snarls approach the corner of the room, I’m already on my feet, not daring to take the key with me, or even look at my sister. What was next? Would I have to fight each of these beasts only to discover they are my loved ones? Would I kill each of my sisters followed by people I care about?
I run. I’m chased. I hear the bell ring again as I approach a dead end. I’m expected to try and kill this one as well. To reveal who it is that’s hunting me. I face the predator and I know the eyes, the dark fur. It growls at me as I back up against the wall. I won’t fight. There is a knife that appears at my feet.
No.
I dodge around the large beast, only getting my arm slit in process, darting for the door. The man that walked me down the hall stops me
“This is not how we play.” He pushes me back towards the wolf. And throws me a weapon of some sorts. I ponder lunging into his chest. He smiles, reading my mind. I try dodging around him but he grabs me again. This is a level I wont get by without a fight. “Do you want to be disqualified?” He spits at me.
“Yes!” I plead. He takes the weapon from my hand. “Fine, you lose” he walks away as the door shuts and I’m left with the monster.
My mind follows the man, holding the blade as he walks away from the locked door. The echo of snarls spreads a smile across his face. He taps along the cages of the wolves that wont get to play and the screams behind him stop.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
August 23rd, 1:51 Earthquake VA
Yea so today i was sitting in my room, chatting, posting on Tumblr when my room started shaking. It came out of nowhere...my days this past week have been routine. and normal. nothing off about this. so when i say this shocked me you can take the irony =]
I sat up and tried to keep balance as my world rocked. I flashed back in a milla second and knew exactly what was happening. The idea that it was a nuclear attack hit several people (just shows how often stuff like this happens...)I stood in my room. knowing there was nothing i needed to take. but not wanting to leave. i heard the sound of my mothers door open and i ran to mine, catching the door frame for balance. she said "Everyone outside!" we ran down stairs. it was then that i relized i had my laptop. i saw my sister and dog sitting outside already but had the panicked attack that star migh still be inside. i was ready to run back in when my mom grabbed my arm and said "Stars out here." We all walked outside, clueless as to what to do next. i saw our neighbors "Are you alright?"
they nodded. My mom had instructed we go check on a neighbor across the street when she came running outside. another neighbor outside of our circle came out "Was that a earthquake?!" he said excited fallowed by a "WOOOO!!!" i sat down in the grass, as exciting as the events were i wasnt really sure were to go from here. would their be more? i new one thing. i had to get ahold of superman. i ran back into my room which seemed uninviting and grabbed my phone. but the cell phones weren't working. i opened the laptop i had and called him through Gmail. explaining the current events. he hadn't felt a thing. most likely he was flying to high to notice anything off =]
he found it all amusing. I'm scared that it will happen again. i'd feel alot better if superman were here.
I know todays small tremor wasnt anything very big other then making new records.
Im still shaken up by the change that it puts in the air. the uneasy feeling that any second it could hit and this time be damaging.
"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you." - Isaiah 54:10 <3
I sat up and tried to keep balance as my world rocked. I flashed back in a milla second and knew exactly what was happening. The idea that it was a nuclear attack hit several people (just shows how often stuff like this happens...)I stood in my room. knowing there was nothing i needed to take. but not wanting to leave. i heard the sound of my mothers door open and i ran to mine, catching the door frame for balance. she said "Everyone outside!" we ran down stairs. it was then that i relized i had my laptop. i saw my sister and dog sitting outside already but had the panicked attack that star migh still be inside. i was ready to run back in when my mom grabbed my arm and said "Stars out here." We all walked outside, clueless as to what to do next. i saw our neighbors "Are you alright?"
they nodded. My mom had instructed we go check on a neighbor across the street when she came running outside. another neighbor outside of our circle came out "Was that a earthquake?!" he said excited fallowed by a "WOOOO!!!" i sat down in the grass, as exciting as the events were i wasnt really sure were to go from here. would their be more? i new one thing. i had to get ahold of superman. i ran back into my room which seemed uninviting and grabbed my phone. but the cell phones weren't working. i opened the laptop i had and called him through Gmail. explaining the current events. he hadn't felt a thing. most likely he was flying to high to notice anything off =]
he found it all amusing. I'm scared that it will happen again. i'd feel alot better if superman were here.
I know todays small tremor wasnt anything very big other then making new records.
Im still shaken up by the change that it puts in the air. the uneasy feeling that any second it could hit and this time be damaging.
"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you." - Isaiah 54:10 <3
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Lost in Time (a Nightmare from last night)
“I’m sorry, today is just very crazy, would you mind going home?” the mother had asked me as the kids ran around the room. I had wondered if my father had been speaking to her, if they had been hoping that her son and I would spend less time together.
I respected her, and would obey her wishes. I had just driven 5 hours to be there and looked at my watch, I had just gotten. It had a button that would switch the time zone, so I could always see what time it was for him in Philly… 12:12. I could make it back before it even starts getting dark.
I walked into the next room and hugged him. It was always hard letting go but I managed to tear my self away “I’ll see you soon” he nodded in agreement, his face lightening the mood with a famous smile that consumed his face. Our hands broke apart and the door shut behind me.
I had this weird feeling about leaving “just a few more…minutes” my mind told me “stay, you have time.” I didn’t want to disobey the wishes of his parents so I left. I got into my car and began to drive, trying to keep my eyes from tearing up “you will see him again” I told myself.
It was snowing so all the roads had been fairly empty; there was very little traffic. As I drove onto the highway, I noticed there was no traffic in the oncoming lane as well; in fact there were no cars at all. Along with a very small amount of cars that drove along side me, things began increasing as we went over the bridge, out of Philly and into Baltimore.
I pulled over at a motel my sister had been staying at. She was visiting some friends and I had planned to pick her up the next day but came a bit early. She hugged me and dragged me inside. We sat down in the dim room and talked for maybe 6 minutes before I wondered if the time had changed. I didn’t know there was a time change between Baltimore and Philly…. but it felt like there was. I looked down and pushed the small time lapse button on my watch.
Philly time appeared within seconds. Snow had covered the inside of my watch to show the season and the arrow had stopped at 1:00. All the other hours had jumped off. 12 stood. But all the other times were missing 2, 3, 4, est. they were all gone. My chest tightened. I didn’t know how I knew but my mind figured it out before I could make sense of the senseless. For some reason Philly was gone. Destroyed. Time had stopped there and it would never reach 2.
Since we were driving back in time I looked down at my watch and switched it back to the time I was in 12:45. I grabbed my sister’s arm and told her to start typing in our address into the GPS. If we drove fast we would be losing time. I should have stayed. I should have stayed just a little while longer, to had been in the same place, but now I wasn’t with him anymore. I had my sister who was someone I had to keep safe. My mind was heavy and the tears blurred my vision made it difficult to focus on what was next. I wanted so badly to wait for the clock to strike 1 in Baltimore. I felt assured that if she weren’t with me, I would have. We began running out to our car when a man stopped us. He was wearing a black coat and held a knife. “You can’t leave”
“I want to go back” the truth of my thoughts had escaped my throat, even though I was planning to move forward, I wanted oh so baldy to go back. He glared at me as I pulled my sister behind me protectively. “There is no back. You can’t travel back in time. You can only move forward” His eyes seemed to pop from his face as he spoke, emphasizing certain words and waving the knife around.
“Then let us go that direction,” I said pointing to be we was gesturing.
“No” he blanketed the statement, as he swung his knife, it slashed across my right arm.
“That was a step forward! No more steps!”
I knew his intentions and so did my sister as she dodged around me and headed for the car, he turned to her confuse. For another moment time had moved forward in a current of events. I didn’t let the opportunity pass as I lunged on our distracted attacker.
“You want time to stop?“
I asked, lodging his own knife into his chest “done”
Chills ran up my spine as I stumbled backwards “We have to go” my sister uttered. I knew this. I got up and walked into the car. My vision grew even foggier with every mile. Finally, we reached the bridge. It towered over about a mile of water and would bring us so close to home. But half way across it was blocked off. A giant van of people refused to let anyone go by. We had to get off and move. I was careful to stay away from the edge of the bridge. We would die the moment we hit the water, it would be like falling on concrete. I walked up to the people on the bridge. “Let us pass, please”
“Let me see your hand” the man asked. I stretched out my arm and revealed my hand. It was still bleeding from the earlier attack. “You don’t exist. Jump off the bridge.”
“Excuse me?” I said. “Listen, we just came from Philly and we were attacked in Baltimore-“
“You came from where?” he interrupted
“Philadelphia” I said as his eyes showed no recognition. “There is no such place” he shook it off and began ignoring me.
My head was spinning as I grabbed his arm “Please!” I pleaded, “I just left my boyfriend and his family there”
He looked down at me, showing no pity “they don’t exist, now do what’s best for all of us” he directed me to the edge of the bridge, I saw my sister as well be brought aside me. I looked down at the choppy water, the waves seemed so small from this height. The wind thrashed my hair in different directions. I wish I could fly. “There’s no time like the present,” I whispered to myself. No. I wouldn’t, not like this.
“Go on now, your wasting what little time I have”
“No”
“Its time for you to go. He doesn’t exist…so what’s the point?”
“If he doesn’t exist and I don’t exist then…exactly, what is the point?”
“Enough” he said picking me up and throwing me over the edge.
“Hello?” my tired voice creaked from my newly awakened throat.
“Hey beautiful” the other end of my phone rang. What perfect timing I thought in the whiplash of waking up from the nightmare
“Were you still asleep?” he asked
“Yea…I must have slept in really late,” I thought looking around for a clock
“No, its only 9:30, still in the single digits! You still got time!” he said in a joyful voice.
“Yea…. I do”
How about that…I thought
It felt like id been gone for days, funny how dreams have a way of…losing you in time.
I respected her, and would obey her wishes. I had just driven 5 hours to be there and looked at my watch, I had just gotten. It had a button that would switch the time zone, so I could always see what time it was for him in Philly… 12:12. I could make it back before it even starts getting dark.
I walked into the next room and hugged him. It was always hard letting go but I managed to tear my self away “I’ll see you soon” he nodded in agreement, his face lightening the mood with a famous smile that consumed his face. Our hands broke apart and the door shut behind me.
I had this weird feeling about leaving “just a few more…minutes” my mind told me “stay, you have time.” I didn’t want to disobey the wishes of his parents so I left. I got into my car and began to drive, trying to keep my eyes from tearing up “you will see him again” I told myself.
It was snowing so all the roads had been fairly empty; there was very little traffic. As I drove onto the highway, I noticed there was no traffic in the oncoming lane as well; in fact there were no cars at all. Along with a very small amount of cars that drove along side me, things began increasing as we went over the bridge, out of Philly and into Baltimore.
I pulled over at a motel my sister had been staying at. She was visiting some friends and I had planned to pick her up the next day but came a bit early. She hugged me and dragged me inside. We sat down in the dim room and talked for maybe 6 minutes before I wondered if the time had changed. I didn’t know there was a time change between Baltimore and Philly…. but it felt like there was. I looked down and pushed the small time lapse button on my watch.
Philly time appeared within seconds. Snow had covered the inside of my watch to show the season and the arrow had stopped at 1:00. All the other hours had jumped off. 12 stood. But all the other times were missing 2, 3, 4, est. they were all gone. My chest tightened. I didn’t know how I knew but my mind figured it out before I could make sense of the senseless. For some reason Philly was gone. Destroyed. Time had stopped there and it would never reach 2.
Since we were driving back in time I looked down at my watch and switched it back to the time I was in 12:45. I grabbed my sister’s arm and told her to start typing in our address into the GPS. If we drove fast we would be losing time. I should have stayed. I should have stayed just a little while longer, to had been in the same place, but now I wasn’t with him anymore. I had my sister who was someone I had to keep safe. My mind was heavy and the tears blurred my vision made it difficult to focus on what was next. I wanted so badly to wait for the clock to strike 1 in Baltimore. I felt assured that if she weren’t with me, I would have. We began running out to our car when a man stopped us. He was wearing a black coat and held a knife. “You can’t leave”
“I want to go back” the truth of my thoughts had escaped my throat, even though I was planning to move forward, I wanted oh so baldy to go back. He glared at me as I pulled my sister behind me protectively. “There is no back. You can’t travel back in time. You can only move forward” His eyes seemed to pop from his face as he spoke, emphasizing certain words and waving the knife around.
“Then let us go that direction,” I said pointing to be we was gesturing.
“No” he blanketed the statement, as he swung his knife, it slashed across my right arm.
“That was a step forward! No more steps!”
I knew his intentions and so did my sister as she dodged around me and headed for the car, he turned to her confuse. For another moment time had moved forward in a current of events. I didn’t let the opportunity pass as I lunged on our distracted attacker.
“You want time to stop?“
I asked, lodging his own knife into his chest “done”
Chills ran up my spine as I stumbled backwards “We have to go” my sister uttered. I knew this. I got up and walked into the car. My vision grew even foggier with every mile. Finally, we reached the bridge. It towered over about a mile of water and would bring us so close to home. But half way across it was blocked off. A giant van of people refused to let anyone go by. We had to get off and move. I was careful to stay away from the edge of the bridge. We would die the moment we hit the water, it would be like falling on concrete. I walked up to the people on the bridge. “Let us pass, please”
“Let me see your hand” the man asked. I stretched out my arm and revealed my hand. It was still bleeding from the earlier attack. “You don’t exist. Jump off the bridge.”
“Excuse me?” I said. “Listen, we just came from Philly and we were attacked in Baltimore-“
“You came from where?” he interrupted
“Philadelphia” I said as his eyes showed no recognition. “There is no such place” he shook it off and began ignoring me.
My head was spinning as I grabbed his arm “Please!” I pleaded, “I just left my boyfriend and his family there”
He looked down at me, showing no pity “they don’t exist, now do what’s best for all of us” he directed me to the edge of the bridge, I saw my sister as well be brought aside me. I looked down at the choppy water, the waves seemed so small from this height. The wind thrashed my hair in different directions. I wish I could fly. “There’s no time like the present,” I whispered to myself. No. I wouldn’t, not like this.
“Go on now, your wasting what little time I have”
“No”
“Its time for you to go. He doesn’t exist…so what’s the point?”
“If he doesn’t exist and I don’t exist then…exactly, what is the point?”
“Enough” he said picking me up and throwing me over the edge.
“Hello?” my tired voice creaked from my newly awakened throat.
“Hey beautiful” the other end of my phone rang. What perfect timing I thought in the whiplash of waking up from the nightmare
“Were you still asleep?” he asked
“Yea…I must have slept in really late,” I thought looking around for a clock
“No, its only 9:30, still in the single digits! You still got time!” he said in a joyful voice.
“Yea…. I do”
How about that…I thought
It felt like id been gone for days, funny how dreams have a way of…losing you in time.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Writers Block
I'm writing a book, but not alone, or i wasn't. i had a co-writer, a partner.
Sadly as of lately there hasnt been much communication or effort so i have been going at it alone.
i suffer from writers block...
luckily superman flew in and gave me subject titles and i got writing again...
It's time to make coffee....
(thanks for pushing me forward)
Sadly as of lately there hasnt been much communication or effort so i have been going at it alone.
i suffer from writers block...
luckily superman flew in and gave me subject titles and i got writing again...
It's time to make coffee....
(thanks for pushing me forward)
Monday, August 15, 2011
I honestly didn't want to act surprised when i heard the knock at my door, followed by the deep voice of my father.
i held tight to johnny, the guitar that i had been strumming in order to pass time, and avoid the conversation i knew we were about to have. He ordered me to put down my comfort blanket. I gently placed johnny besides me when my eyes locked on my fathers He sat down on my bed and began to speak. He spoke to me contently, despite his devastating words. it was difficult to answer his requests as my vision blurred and my voice had hidden itself deep inside me.
"do you understand?" He asked as he stood up.
My words left at the first sight of danger and my voice had abandoned me. i nodded in response as he left.
i held tight to johnny, the guitar that i had been strumming in order to pass time, and avoid the conversation i knew we were about to have. He ordered me to put down my comfort blanket. I gently placed johnny besides me when my eyes locked on my fathers He sat down on my bed and began to speak. He spoke to me contently, despite his devastating words. it was difficult to answer his requests as my vision blurred and my voice had hidden itself deep inside me.
"do you understand?" He asked as he stood up.
My words left at the first sight of danger and my voice had abandoned me. i nodded in response as he left.
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